So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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