Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
