I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
