i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Randomize
