I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
