The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
