planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
