bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
