i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize