Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
tequila makes me forget i have legs
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
