Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
