oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize