it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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