that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
