By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
