How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
