woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize