Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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