So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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