sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
