When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize