I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hippo gnu deer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
