He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
