I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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