I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
