he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
