i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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