he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
