we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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