What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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