It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
