there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
