umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
