New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
