a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Four minutes until I can fart!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
