Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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