Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
