her vagine was all disorganized.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
