I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
