last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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