you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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