I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize