He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize