I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
