i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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