Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
