the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize