Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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