HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
