My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
