is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
