Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
