Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
