so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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