We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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