I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
