I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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