If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
