WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
