My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
