Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
