stop calling my apartment porn island.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
