First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
