He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
