I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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