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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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