the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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