just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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