Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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