How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
