Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
